Thursday, September 25, 2014

ANATOMY OF: Thursday Night Football, September 25, 2014

Every Thursday, I'll pick the major football games on the schedule - college and pro.  Using the foolproof formula I've created, I'll start with two team logos that may or may not be OFFICIAL team logos, then give the spread, my pick (with an exact score starting tonight!), three reasons why my pick will be right and three reasons why it will be wrong.  After all the games are final, I'll edit in What Happened? and Why It Happened?

But before we begin, I present to you, the OFFICIAL theme song of ANATOMY OF: Thursday Night Football.  That's right RiRi, you might not be good enough for OWG CBS but you're good enough for me ;)

Texas Tech Re_ Rai_ers (+14.5) @ # 24 Oklahoma State Cowboys

THE PICK: Oklahoma State 65, Texas Tech 45 (1-0 SU, 0-1 ATS)


1) Because when these two hook up and it's a shootout, the Pokes tend to win.  Example A
3) But this time it won't be close because Texas Tech's defense is a mess even by Texas Tech standards right now.


2) Seriously if these two are just gonna trade touchdowns all game, it's gonna be hard for the Pokes to win by three of them.
3) As confident as I am in the hosts tonight, we're still not really sure how good either team is.  Yeah the Cowboys pushed Florida State really hard in week 1 but OF COURSE they were gonna give their best shot to the defending national champs on the biggest of stages.  Yeah Texas Tech literally had a train run on it by Arkansas (okay maybe not literally) (that hyperlink is "not safe for work") but what if Arkansas has one of the best rushing attacks in the country?  This is a pretty big spread for a game in which both teams should score on each other at will.  Also as I type this this game has started and Texas Tech leads 7-0 and just came up with an interception.  Still got the Pokes to pull off the comeback though!


The Pokes pulled off the comeback!  :)  But didn't cover :(  Hey, at least I got one team's score right!  :)  Except the other team was the one who scored that amount of points :( Oklahoma State 45-35.


I don't know, why is the sky blue?  Why won't Molly McGrath dump the zero that is Alec Martinez and get with the hero that is me?  Who the hell knows why Oklahoma State always wins shootouts between these two?  It just happens.

New York Giants (+3) @ Washington REDACTEDs

THE PICK: Giants 25, REDACTEDs 22 (1-0 SU, 1-0 ATS)


3) Seriously, #neverforget  When the REDACTEDs host a nationally televised game against a division rival, hilarity always ensues.  And this is their first EVER home game on CBS's Thursday Night Football?  Holy shit.  NOTHING is off the table tonight.  NOTHING.


1) Kirk Cousins has provided such a brand new infusion of life to this franchise that they should do what they should've done when they took RG3AndOut - rebrand themselves with a non racist name and logo and start all over again.
2) DeSean Jackson against the Giants?  What ever could go wrong?
3) This is a Thursday Night Football game so it's probably going to suck.  Play it safe and take the home team.  Unless of course you've hated the home team since 1996 or so and you take any chance you can get to make fun of them.


Derek Jeter passed his God of New York torch on to LARRY MOTHER FUCKING DONNELL RAWLINGS BITCHES.  Also Kirk Cousins got picked again.  And again.  And again.  And again.  Giants 45-14.


Seriously, #neverforget  When the REDACTEDs host a nationally televised game against a division rival, hilarity always ensues.

# 11 UCLA Bruins (-3) @ # 15 Arizona State Sun Devils

THE PICK: UCLA 31, Arizona State 17 (2-0 SU, 1-1 ATS)


2) Seriously, if I can't even pronounce your backup's name, there's just no chance I'm giving him any respect.
3) UCLA's the better top to bottom team anyways.  They survived a massive fight against Texas IN Texas last Saturday without Hundley so they're Road Tested© to boot.


1) I'm just going to say what we're all thinking. We're all just waiting for the Arizona State cheerleaders to do this, aren't we?
2) This should be a red hot atmosphere. This could be an early Pac-12 South elimination game and thusly an early College Football Playoff elimination game. The Sun Devils - defending Pac-12 South Champions - aren't gonna give up their crown easily.
3) What IF UCLA isn't better top to bottom? Arizona State got out to a 35-13 lead by halftime AT UCLA last season. Taylor Kelly didn't do that by himself. These two teams have played one possession wars that have gone down to the wire each of the past two seasons. The road team won both of those. The home team is due.


UCLA gave Todd Graham an ass whipping Todd Graham's Pitt players only wish they could've.  UCLA 62-27.


Because UCLA remembered it's supposed to be a fringe College Football Playoff contender and Brett Hundley remembered he's supposed to be a fringe Heisman candidate.  Now they have their chances to get off the fringe in two weeks when Oregon visits the Rose Bowl.  Yeah that's going to be not not fun.

Check back later tonight when I edit in What Happened? and Why It Happened? for each game.  Since there's a West Coast game, those edits won't happen until the wee hours of the morning so....check back tomorrow?


1) ANATOMY OF A PILOT: How To Get Away With Murder
3) ANATOMY OF A PREMIERE: Survivor: Blood vs Water 2 - OFF THE ROCKER
4) Saturday Selections - September 27

Those may not come in that order tomorrow today but I should be able to complete them all - provided, of course, I can get through THIS Friday without a fucking nuclear bomb dropping all over my football team and life.  5-1 of #Clemsoning will be sometime next week.  Yeah, that's way past the expiration date and no one will care after Clemson hangs a bazillion points on UNC this weekend.  What, like you actually thought I knew how to run a blog properly or something?

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