Monday, September 22, 2014

Welcome!!! Here Are Some (Not So) Frequently Asked Questions You Might Have!

Why the name?  "Grip's Anatomy Of The Human Element" is quite a mouthful!

Yes, yes it is.  But "The Human Element" is what this blog was named back in 2011 (and early 2012) when I was basically stoned at all hours of the day and had nothing better to do than post my stoned ramblings about college basketball and sometimes tennis.  For example, my last ever post on "The Human Element" was "Nadal/Djokovic Insta-Reaction: That Might Have Been The Greatest Match I've Ever Seen"  You can view it - and all the other completed, probably largely embarrassing posts - on this blog since I'm too proud (that's not the right word) to delete them.  But those were in 2011 (and January 2012.)  It is now 2014 and I've sadly forgotten pretty much that entire Nadal/Djokovic match because it was so damn long and I was so damn blazed while watching it.  Don't do drugs, kids.  Unless, of course, the government approves them and your doctor does too.

Anyway, I wanted to keep that kickass background of all the sports photos (what are those?  Why that's the next question I'll answer!) so "The Human Element" had to stay.  My good friend Imperialism32 aka ThreeGirthUnits aka The Man Who Owes Lots Of People $10 Because 2004 ALCS suggested "Grip's Anatomy" because my last name is "Gripshover."  I initially thought it was cheesy but then I realized, wait, it IS cheesy!  And so is that show it's not-so-subtly referencing!  AND I get to include a super cheesy voiceover from said show's pilot episode as my blog description!  So I combined the two and here we are.

Seriously, what are all of those sports pictures in the background?

"The Human Element" was the name I came up with to mock those who advocate for, well, "the human element" to decide sporting events.  The background pictures are all evidence that such a belief is fucking stupid as they are all egregiously horrible missed calls.  They are (not in order):

-The "Hand of God" goal - Diego Maradona for Argentina against England in the 1986 World Cup
-What Buffalo fans refer to as "No Goal" - Brett Hull's triple overtime Stanley Cup winning goal in 1999
-Jeffrey fucking Maier
-Geoff Hurst's "Wembley Goal" in the 1966 World Cup final for England - in London - versus West Germany
-Michael Jordan pushing off on Byron Russell before he hit the game winning jumper in game 6 of the 1998 NBA Finals
-Carlos Tevez being hilariously offside on his opening goal in the Round of 16 against Mexico
-Frank Lampard's hilariously obviously over the goal line goal that was not ruled as a goal in England's round of 16 match with Germany (this happened on literally the same day as Tevez)
-Chuck Knoblauch's "Phantom Tag" in Game 4 of the 1999 ALCS
-Jerry Meals calling Julio Lugo of the Atlanta Braves safe in the 19th inning of a July 26, 2011 game with the Pittsburgh Pirates when he was very clearly out (the picture - the top left one on the blog - is proof!)
-Armando Galarraga's perfect game that wasn't a perfect game because Jim Joyce fucked it up

I could've probably added Don Denkinger in the 1985 World Series and God knows what else.  The point is that sports officials screw up all the time and outright refusing to allow the technology we have to potentially fix these screwups is fucking stupid and I've got the pictures to prove it.

So why are you starting - or restarting - this blog now?

Because I just quit my overworked, under(thetable)paid job at a liquor store and I'm hoping against hope that someone will see this and pay me to write for them.  I know, I know, I might as well tweet at Kate Upton asking her to leave Justin Verlander for me because I have a better ass than he does but whatever, even if it doesn't work out and even if nobody reads this, I like writing about sports and stuff and I like being able to curse whenever the fuck I want to so I can do all that here!

What will you be writing about?

Mostly sports.  Sometimes television and politics and other random things.  I'll try to keep the politics to a minimum but sometimes certain parties (like this one but also on rarer occasions this one) will do stuff that pisses me off so much I feel the need to write about it.  I tend to care most about politics right around election season - which unfortunately as of this writing is currently heating up.  Lucky for you all, it's a midterm season and I haven't yet figured out which races are worth caring about.  Not so lucky for you all, Maryland's electing a new governor this November but I kind of hate both guys (I hate this guy more though.)  Anyway, I promise to be as FAIR AND BALANCED as these guys are and maybe even moreso! (that won't be hard)

Mostly sports?  Okay, which sports?

What we call football.  What the rest of the world calls football.  Basketball.  Baseball.  Tennis when grand slams are happening.  Hockey during the playoffs and maybe - maybe - the regular season.  And maybe I'll throw in a NASCAR post now or two that they've turned their championship in to a proper playoff (I've gotta say I like it when sports do that!) but don't hold your breath (I know you're not holding your breath.)  Also, I will be writing about sports broadcasting and broadcasters a lot since that used to be my dream job.  I particularly look forward to writing about "We Need To Talk" because an all-female sports show is something that (a) should've happened a long time ago and (b) could be the first sports TV show ever to turn me on while also dropping all sorts of knowledge on me.  Okay fine, the second sports TV show to do both of those things.

So who are your favorite sports teams?

Sadly, the Baltimore Ravens, New Jersey Devils and Maryland Terrapins football and basketball teams.  Happily, the Baltimore Orioles and Wolverhampton Wanderers FC.

You said television.  What television shows might you be writing about?  Put another way, what are your favorite television shows?

I'll write about whatever damn television shows I want - regardless of whether or not I watch them.  I'll write about how much I hate everything about The Big Bang Theory as well as everyone who watches it if I want (and I might!)  But I'll mostly stick to shows I like and shows I am giving a fair shot to because I WANT to like them.

My favorite currently airing drama show is "Mad Men" with.....probably "Justified" in second (although I didn't watch this past season) and "The Americans" in third (ditto - please make fun of me for this because I heard it was a freaking AMAZING season and yet I still have not watched.)  My all time top 5 dramas are, in order, 1) The Wire 2) Mad Men 3) The Shield 4) Breaking Bad 5) 24 (this gets a token spot because it was THE show that got me in to television.)

My favorite currently airing comedy is "Last Week Tonight with John Oliver" with "Veep" in second and "Parks and Recreation" in third ("The League" will take third over when P&R ends after this season.)  My all time top 5 comedies are, in order, 1) The Simpsons (season 11 and before) 2) Seinfeld 3) Parks and Recreation 4) South Park (still airing but has lost its fastball for the most part) 5) Family Guy (ditto.)

Are you single?

Yes!  If you're a girl and you're interested, why?  Wait, don't answer that, just let me know!  If you're a guy and you're interested, why?  Well, no matter why, I hate to break it to you but sorry, I'm not gay - and don't let my graphic manlove of many different men who play sports (such as this one, this one and this one - maybe I just have a thing for black guys) fool you - but I'm flattered!

What if I have any other questions?  Where can I ask them to you?

Here, or at or on AIM (yes, I still use AIM because THAT'S THE WAY I'VE ALWAYS DONE IT) at JaguarXZ5230 or on Twitter at @agripsh or on Facebook by friending "Andy Gripshover" (if there's somehow more than one of us on there, I'm the one with the profile pic of me sleeping)

Thanks for (not) asking your questions and I hope you enjoy the blog!

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