Monday, September 22, 2014

ANATOMY OF: WWE Night of Champions 2014 - A FJMing of TJR

If you don’t know what a FJMing is, wow have you failed at life for never having gone to this site.  Anyway, I will be using John Canton’s always wonderful results and commentary column as my basis for this FJMing.  I know almost nothing about last night’s PPV - I know Sheamus won because a friend told me he won his bet on Sheamus but other than that I’m a blank slate - so this should be informative, fun and in no way infuriating.  We will be using typical FJMing formatting, which is to say that John Canton’s words will be in bold.  Mine will be in not bold.  Let’s go!

I did not watch the show live.
Neither did I!  I was busy sleeping 17 hours straight because I stayed up all night working on my “top 10 #Clemsonings of the past 10 years” post that will be up on this blog sometime later today or maybe tomorrow!
I also didn't see the Kickoff Show, so I'm going right to the main three hour broadcast on WWE Network.
Oh no!  What ever will we do without a Hornswoggle/Torito recap?!?!?
The opening video showed some clips of how they make WWE championships.
Vince pays Dolph Ziggler about as much as Nike pays its sweatshop workers and promises him a push if he does a good job?
There were also clips of some of the best champions ever talking about their titles like Hulk Hogan, Shawn Michaels, Steve Austin and Ric Flair. Then it focused on the current events with Cena's match against Lesnar in focus. The voiceover guy mentioned that every title will be on the line.
Sounds like a pretty cool video intro.  Too bad every title being on the line would be more exciting if they didn’t spend the other 364 days of the year taking a crap on every title except the world title.
In past years the set for Night of Champions used to feature displays of all the titles by the entrance. Not this time. Budget cuts.
There were images shown of some past tag team champions over the years including the Hart Foundation, Legion of Doom and it ended on Edge & Christian. Sorry to Kenzo Suzuki and Renee Dupree, but they were not represented.

The Usos made their entrance for the opener. The announce team of Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and John Bradshaw Layfield welcomed us to the show. The Spanish announce team was also there. All the announcers had Diet Mountain Dew bottles on their tables because that's the sponsor of the show.

Does the Diet Mountain Dew kill all your sperm too make you feel XXXTREEEEME too?

Tag Team Titles: The Usos vs. Goldust/Stardust

WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN HERE: 20 minute match, Usos retain, everyone shakes hands, Goldust/Stardust go back face
WHAT WILL HAPPEN HERE: 7 minute match (maybe shorter), Usos retain, Stardust teases breaking up with Goldust

The Usos had different gear this time around as they were wearing black leather pants with white and purple as well as purple tape on their boots.

These babyfaces sure picked the right week to wear a lot of purple!  Okay I’m skipping to the finish because tag team wrestling has always bored me because every fucking tag match is the same.

Stardust hit a reverse DDT for two. Stardust took off his glove, then tied Jey in the ropes and slapped him with his glove. Nearfall by Jey with a rollup. Goldust took out Jimmy with a dive off the apron and then Jey hit a dive over the top to take out Stardust. That was a very exciting sequence. Jey went up top, but Stardust got his knees up when Jey went for a splash. He rolled up Jey, grabbed the tights and got the win after 13 minutes of action.
Winners and new Tag Team Champions: Goldust & Stardust
Oh hey, a title switch!  That’s pretty smart to do in the opening match of your pay per view that’s all about the titles.  Too bad you’ve now got the straps on a heel team that nobody boos but hey, at least you’re trying!
The announcers didn't even mention that Stardust grabbed the tights. Even when they showed the replay they didn't say anything. That's odd.  

The Dust Brothers celebrated with the titles while the Usos looked distraught as they left and their nearly seven month reign as tag champs has come to an end.

They should’ve stayed in the ring looking distraught so the crowd got a proper chance to give them a standing ovation for a brilliant seven month reign and well over a year of brilliant tag team title matches ever since their instant classic with The Shield at last year’s Money in the Bank pre-show that I’m STILL bitter I missed because I didn’t get to the bar I watched it at until like 7:55.

Analysis: **3/4 That was a hot opening match. They had an old school kind of tag match with Jimmy as the brother that was worked on and Jey did a great job when he received the hot tag. That finish worked because it was a smart counter by Stardust. Fans want to see creative finishes. It doesn't always have to be a finishing move. The way this one ended worked because it was a rollup after a great counter move. The tag title change made sense and it's something I predicted while I'm sure others did too. The heel turn was done because they wanted to pick the right heel team to carry the gold. It could have been Luke Harper and Erick Rowan, but instead it's the bizarre team of Goldust & Stardust with the gold.

It also could have been The Ascension beating the crap out of the Usos the night after their 2 out of 3 falls classic with the Wyatts to blow off that feud but hey, they got to turn a hilarious comedy face team that organically gained popularity heel and any time you can do that, you’ve gotta take that chance.  God forbid anything grow organically in this company.  I guess I’m not one of the ones who saw the title change coming because I didn’t think that they’d waste the Usos losing the straps on a team that was literally only turned heel to make sure that the Usos popularity as the most beloved tag team in the company wasn’t usurped but as usual I underestimate the stupidity of the booking.  Maybe this will lead to a nice long title reign for Goldust/Stardust until the Royal Rumble when they drop the straps to whoever and Stardust beats the crap out of Goldust until pulling a gigantic cosmic key out from under the ring and whipping him with it like he’s Adrian Peterson and his brother is his four year old son setting up the Wrestlemania brother vs brother match that they wanted LAST year.  But nope, we won’t get any of that because I’m just some random asshole typing bullshit and the writers are the writers so I’m sure they’ve got better ideas (or any ideas) planned.

Backstage, Dolph Ziggler was interviewed by Byron Saxton along with his stunt double R-Truth (aka R-Ziggler) and they had Diet Mountain Dew in their hands because that's the PPV sponsor. Ziggler said he made the IC Title look damn good. Truth ended it by saying "Shizow Izoff" aka show off.

I already joked about Ziggler so I’ll just say something I never thought I’d say about anyone ever about R-Truth - he should’ve never left TNA.

There were pictures of former United States Champions including Harley Race, Eddie Guerrero and Booker T.

THEORY: Vince openly shits on the U.S. title because he sees it as an extension of 90’s WCW and God forbid we treat anything remotely associated with 90’s WCW with the proper respect.

As Cesaro made his way to the ring, the announce team plugged the WWE Network. That's what I'm watching the show on, but thanks for plugging it again.

United States Title: Sheamus vs. Cesaro

WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: Cesaro wins a Match of the Year candidate.  Sheamus gets pissed and beats him down post match for that DOUBLE TURN.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN: Sheamus wins a match everyone forgets the next day.

There was a brief display of technical wrestling early on

I’m sure there will be a “not brief” display of technical wrestling “later on” #not

When Sheamus went for a Brogue Kick, Cesaro countered by putting Sheamus on his shoulders and slamming him down. That was an awesome sequence. The crowd popped big for it.

Reminder of just how badly WWE fucked Cesaro up after making him a Paul Heyman guy (in what was my favorite non-main event moment of the post WM RAW.)  This may be its own blog post eventually.

Cesaro slapped Sheamus repeatedly, which led to Sheamus firing up and telling Cesaro to bring more, so Cesaro hit a running boot to the face. The ref was telling Cesaro to get back. Sheamus got out of the corner and hit a Brogue Kick for the win after 13 minutes.
Winner by pinfall: Sheamus

Analysis: ***3/4 Great match. It was a physical brawl that the crowd really got into especially in the last few minutes. Awesome to see these two go at it like that. It felt like a match where there would be a title change because Sheamus really hasn't done a lot as US Champ and it could have benefited Cesaro to win it. Then again, the US Title has been something of a curse for the champions because it hasn't been booked well. A competitive match like this one does a lot to give the US Title credibility, so that's a good thing. They did an excellent job of promoting the match as a fight and that's exactly what it was. These two have built up great chemistry in the last several months thanks to all the matches they've had. Hopefully they have more matches.

They’ll have a rematch on RAW tonight next week.  Sheamus wins again.  Feud over.

There was a commercial for WWE2K15 featuring Sting as the pre-order bonus that has been out for about a month. Apparently today a new trailer is out. I'm not a gamer, but good for those that are.

Sting needs to come back at Survivor Series.  Well, him or Kurt Angle.  Either way, that pay per view needs to MATTER again.

In the locker room, Big Show showed up to ask Mark Henry if he's ready. Henry said the whole country is behind him. Show told him he had 318 million Americans in his corner. Show told him he knows he's ready. Show gave Henry a singlet that had an American logo on it. Show told him to tear his head off. Henry said he would because "that's what I do."

Badass.  Rusev and anyone and everyone connected to him ever since his debut have been big time winners.  If only this company knew what it were doing with the rest of the roster.

The band Florida Georgia Line entered. They're a country music band comprised of Tyler Hubbard and Brian Kelley. It's in Nashville, home of country music, so that's why they're there. I'm not into country music at all, but I have heard of them and I remember them as part of a WWE show before. They joined the commentary team for the next match. They announced that they would be a part of WWE's Tribute to the Troops special in December.

Prior to the IC Title match, they showed tweets between Ziggler and Miz talking trash. Their stunt doubles were with them.

I hate pretty much any and all Twitter feuds (with the Fandango love triangle being the worst of them all) but I begrudgingly admit it makes sense for Miz/Ziggler to snipe on Twitter.

There were images shown of past Intercontinental Champions like Pat Patterson, Pedro Morales, Honky Tonk Man, Mr. Perfect and Razor Ramon.

Chyna and Jeff Jarrett weren’t pictured, were they.

Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler (w/R-Ziggler) vs. The Miz (w/Damien Mizdow)

WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: Tyler Breeze debuts on behalf of Miz to win him the title
WHAT WILL HAPPEN: Tyler Breeze doesn’t debut on behalf of Miz, Ziggler retains.

Damien was shouting various things at ringside by commenting that Miz was an A-lister among other things.

THIS IS AWE-SOME *clap clap clap clap clap*

The announcing for this match was brutal as they talked about the credentials of Florida Georgia Line.

THIS IS NOT AWE-SOME *clap clap clap clap clap*

Sandow talked trash to the FGL guys, so they got in his face.

They shoved Sandow down, then Truth punched him and chased him to the back.

You know what, for once I’m not even mad that Sandow jobbed.

Back in the ring, Ziggler hit a superkick for two. The crowd thought that was it. So did I. After a brief exchange, Miz came back with a Figure Four Leglock. Ziggler hit a Fameasser for two as the crowd thought that was it. Sandow came back, he jumped on the apron, Ziggler kicked him in the face and that allowed Miz to hit a rollup using the tights for the victory after nine minutes.
Winner and new Intercontinental Champion: The Miz
R.I.P. Ziggler IC title reign August 17, 2014-September 21 2014 #neverforget LOLLLLLLLLLLL HE WON IT BACK TONIGHT
Analysis: ** That was disappointing. What was the point of putting the IC Title on Ziggler for five weeks?
There was a clip from Saturday with Scott Stanford on WWE Network talking about how Roman Reigns is out of action after having an emergency hernia surgery.

Hopefully he’ll have emergency how-to-play-a-babyface surgery too.

The WWE's Dr. Chris Amann said surgery went exactly as planned and he's recovering nicely. On the broadcast they said Reigns is out for "several months." The actual reports have said it would be about 2-3 months.

Bring him back at the Rumble.  Seth Rollins is entrant # 1 because he pissed off Hunter somehow (and by “somehow” I mean “he lost the contract to Ambrose.”)  Reigns is entrant # 2.  Again, I’m just an asshole writing a blog no one reads so that’s probably a shitty idea but I think it might be worth a try.

Seth Rollins vs. Roman Reigns
Seth Rollins entered with the Money in the Bank briefcase. He was supposed to face Roman Reigns at Night of Champions. He mentioned Reigns was rushed to a hospital in Nashville. Rollins claimed that emergency surgery isn't an excuse to not be there. Actually it sounds like a pretty good excuse.

Rollins gave Reigns ten seconds to come out there to face him. He asked referee Charles Robinson to ring the bell, so he did. Robinson did a count to ten.
Winner by forfeit: Seth Rollins
Alright, that’s fantastic.  And now I want more Rollins vs Injured/Unavailable Opponent matches after how much fun we’ve had with Ambrose and Reigns.
The music of Rollins played. He said it wasn't official until his hand was raised. Some fans were chanting "we want Ambrose" although it didn't pick up in the whole arena. Rollins said he has to do something to make the fans happy. Luckily he's an opportunist, so he issued an open challenge for somebody to challenge him right now.
Wait, why does a heel have to make the fans happy OH WHO CARES FUCK IT WE WANT AMBROSE
A yellow cab drove up to the arena. Dean Ambrose walked out of it and the place went crazy as Ambrose marched to the ring.
Ambrose went into the ring and gave Rollins a clothesline over the top to the floor. He threw Rollins over the barricade as they brawled into the crowd. Ambrose gave Rollins a back body drop on the floor. Triple H and Stephanie McMahon showed up to tell them to break it up. There were also some WWE agents there including Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble.
Ambrose hit a dive onto the security guys to take them out as he continued the fight with Rollins. The crowd loved this. Ambrose hit a clothesline that sent them over the barricade and they went back into the ring. Ambrose grabbed a chair. He was taken down by Mercury & Noble while other security guys held him down. Hunter handed them ties to lock his hands together like the ties you might use on a garbage bag. Are they called Zip ties? I think so.
The white ones?  I have no idea what they’re called.  I just know they HURT LIKE SHIT when you’re detained in your own house in them because a SWAT team raided the house because your roommate was dealing all sorts of club drugs out of his room.
The fans were chanting "let them fight" as Ambrose was literally carried out by security. Rollins was angry as he left the ringside area along with Triple H and Stephanie McMahon.
I hope this feud never ends.
Mark Henry was rocking a new singlet that had red, white and blue on it as well as "Hall of Pain" written on it.
I hope he never takes that off.
Ring announcer Lillian Garcia sang the American national anthem. She always does a great job with that. Henry looked focused while he tried to fight back tears. The fans chanted "USA" for him.
Getting chills just copying and pasting that.  God, feeding Henry to Rusev was such a great idea.
Rusev made his entrance with Lana and he had the Russian flag with them. Did I mention that Lana looks ravishing? She does. Like usual.
Apologies to all the children I’ve murdered while looking at Lana.  Sorry kids :(
Mark Henry vs. Rusev w/Lana
WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: Henry wins an epic power move filled match.  Lana slaps Rusev and leaves him for failing Russia and she chooses currently unemployed yours truly to be the next great Russian fighter (don’t forget that Rusev was the BULGARIAN BRUTE before he “moved to Russia” I don’t have to be Russian right away either!) and she pays me in Russian currency and sex.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN: This is a tough call since like the Swagger feud, things have gotten hot enough that Rusev can eat a loss without it making him look bad before he goes over in the rematch.  But I don’t think they do that and they’re building up Henry WAY too much not to knock him down tonight.
Henry hit a couple of clotheslines, then a splash in the corner and he was selling the back injury because when he tried to hit a body slam he was unable to lift him. Rusev came back with a spin kick. Rusev went for the Accolade although Lana didn't tell him to "Crush" so that meant Henry could fight out of it. Rusev kicked him in the ribs. Henry hit the World's Strongest Slam, but he fell down after hitting it. He couldn't cover because Rusev escaped to the floor. That's a good way to hit a big move without having somebody kick out.
That all sounds awesome.  Crap, I fucked up by sleeping through this.
Henry was leaning over the bottom rope, so Rusev destroyed him with a standing side kick.
I *really* fucked up.
Back in the ring, Rusev hit a superkick. Rusev stomped on the back and applied the Accolade, which led to Henry tapping out after 9 minutes. Lana didn't even tell him to crush. If she did, we couldn't hear it.
Winner by submission: Rusev
See, Lana?  He’s outgrown you.  You’re two different people now.  He doesn’t need you anymore.  But I do.
Post match, Rusev celebrated the win with the Russian flag was displayed above the ring. JBL did one of his over the top rants about Henry letting America down. Cole wondered who stops Rusev.
Analysis: *1/2 The match was boring although the crowd was supportive of Henry as they chanted "USA" a few times. It was the predictable finish and the right finish. The key to the match was Rusev driving Henry back first into the steps. Henry's not the guy to give Rusev his first loss via pinfall or submission. He's just a guy for Rusev to beat and that's what happened. Henry was so ready for this fight that he wasn't able to wrestle for longer than nine minutes? Way to let down America, Mark.
Yeah it’s disappointing they only got 9 minutes but it wouldn’t be a WWE pay per view if AT LEAST one match that deserved more than 10 minutes didn’t get them.
The announcers plugged Hell in a Cell in five weeks on October 26 with at least one Hell In A Cell match.
The cheapening of the Hell in a Cell match legit may be the worst thing WWE’s ever done.
There was a clip that aired of Brock Lesnar's exclusive interview from last week when he said that John Cena is going to get another ass beating.
Blood, vomit, etc
Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton
What title is this for again?
Jericho went to the top rope and urged Orton to get back up. It went on for way too long. It was about 30 seconds. Then he jumped off the top rope, Orton was ready for it and he dropped Jericho with a RKO in the middle of the ring. JBL said Orton suckered him in. Orton did a pose after he hit it followed by the cover for the win after 15 minutes.
Winner by pinfall: Randy Orton
That time could have gone to Rusev/Henry.  Or the Usos match.  Or any of the other matches that were ACTUALLY FOR A FUCKING TITLE ON A PAY PER VIEW THEMED AROUND BEING A NIGHT OF TITLE MATCHES.
The announcers reset the show as they talked about how we've seen new tag champions and a new IC Champion. Will we see a new Divas Champion?
Brie Bella was interviewed by Byron Saxton backstage. She wears her "Brie Mode" shirt for interviews too. She said her sister Nikki should not become the divas champion. She said that Nikki is a lot like karma, they're both a bitch. She smiled.
You’re both bitches.  And lots of other sexist derogatory names for women.
Images were shown of some of the past Women's & Divas Champions ever with shots of Fabulous Moolah, Wendi Richter, Lita and Trish Stratus. Thanks for not showing Hervina.
Did this have Mickie beating Trish at Wrestlemania?  If it didn’t, it failed its one job.
Divas Title: Paige vs. AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella
WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: The latter gets beaten to death (literally) by the former two, who then put on a 15 minute classic that Paige wins before AJ wins the blowoff rematch in the first ever women’s Hell in a Cell match.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN: Nikki Bella actually gets to be a part of this, Paige wins.
Paige needs to stop skipping to the ring. It looks stupid by this point.
I disagree.  She’s devoted to her AJ trolling.  That’s important in a feud that is basically a psychological chess match.
The crowd chanted "CM Punk" for AJ. I guess that counts as crowd support.
I agree and I’ve always been a fan of those chants for AJ, if only because every time she straight up no-sells them and still does her thing it makes her look even more awesome.  Though I continue to hold out hope one day she’ll acknowledge them appropriately in one of her amazing promos.
Paige hugged AJ, then AJ shoved her off and Paige kicked her in the stomach. Paige yelled "why don't you love me?" at her before delivering some headbutts.
Paige/AJ Is The New Mickie/Trish
Nikki walked over to them and gave Paige a Powerbomb while Paige suplexed AJ in a spot that has come to be known as the Tower of Doom.
AJ rolled out of the ring, so Nikki hit the Rack Attack on Paige for two as AJ made the save. AJ slammed Nikki off the apron onto the floor. Back in the ring, AJ locked in the Black Widow submission on Paige. That led to Paige tapping out by hitting AJ on the ass, which will probably be a popular GIF on the internet. That means that AJ Lee is the new Divas Champion after 9 minutes.
Winner by pinfall and new Divas Champion: AJ Lee
A quick check of the internet says he’s wrong but I suck at the internet (and anyone who I’ve asked for “help” with #TheFappening can attest to that) so he’s probably right.  Anyway, I still want the Hell in a Cell match but now I want Paige winning it and going on to hold the title until (at least) Wrestlemania.
Analysis: ** Watching triple threat matches where it's two people in the ring and the third person outside the ring all the time gets pretty boring. It seemed like that's all they were doing. Two girls were in the ring, the third one would come in, knock one out and the other two would go at it.
I'm definitely surprised that they would put the title back on AJ after she lost it five weeks ago at SummerSlam because Paige's credibility is hurt by losing.
That was probably the point because DIE NXT DIE (no seriously die Vince die)
Nikki did a really good job in the match.
No she didn’t.
She'll be Divas Champ soon, I assume.
This is my suicide note.
Prior to the main event, Cole read off these facts about the Lesnar/Cena SummerSlam match: The match was 16:05, Cena was on offense for 1:16, Cena was off his feet for 11:32, Lesnar hit 69 strikes to Cena, 7 knees to the ribs by Lesnar and 16 suplexes by Lesnar to Cena. There were also 2 F5's by Lesnar. Good stats. I like that addition.
Now I’m hoping Lesnar adds in a 7 knees to the ribs at once thing like Sheamus’ 10 clubbing blows.
WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Brock Lesnar (w/Paul Heyman) vs. John Cena
WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: Cena puts up a brave fight for a while before succumbing to another brutal ass whooping and Lesnar dominantly retains.  If Lesnar drops the title before Wrestlemania, they failed.
I’m skipping to the finish because I just HAVE to know if they fucked this up or not.
Cena applied the STF. Lesnar broke out of it, then rolled into a Kimura Lock on the left arm of Cena. Cena fought out of it by driving Lesnar into the turnbuckle. He hit Lesnar with a third Attitude Adjustment. He didn't cover. Cena applied the STF again. Lesnar crawled over to the bottom rope. Cena pulled him back to the center of the ring to apply the STF again. Cena hit STF for the fourth time. He went for a cover, but Seth Rollins ran into the ring and hit Cena in the back with his Money in the Bank briefcase. That led to the DQ finish after 15 minutes.
Winner by disqualification: John Cena (Brock Lesnar remains WWE Champion)
Fine, I’ll buy this.
Analysis: ***3/4 It was a very good match that was physical like we expected it to be.  It was a more competitive match than SummerSlam, which is what we expected.
“The sun came up this morning, which is what we expected.”
It was similar to their match at Extreme Rules 2012 in terms of how competitive it was although that one had weapons in it. Cena did an awesome job working as the babyface underdog, which a role we're not used to seeing with him. The fans rallied behind him as he hit the AA four times and applied the STF a few times too. Lesnar looked dominant like usual although when he had to sell he made it look believable too. He's an all around talent. Don't let the dominating heel act fool you. He knows what he's doing out there. Without a clean finish it hurt the ending a bit, but it was all part of the story. Give them credit for having an entertaining match. It wasn't a match of the year contender. It was still a very good main event, though.
I’ll take it.  So Cena/Rollins next?  Or are we just trying to tag Cena with the face Shield members?  Either way I’m interested.  Also very curious what they do next with Lesnar.
When Cena got back to his feet, Rollins nailed him in the head with the MITB briefcase. Rollins contemplated what he might do. Lesnar was on all fours as Rollins bounced off the ropes and hit a Curb Stomp on him. Lesnar sold it well. The crowd popped big for it.
INTERESTING.  Clearly they REALLY like Rollins.  I can’t say I blame them.
Rollins went to the referee to say he was cashing in the briefcase and announcer Justin Roberts announced it to make it official.
Holy shit he’s got some balls.
Before Rollins could get back into the ring, Cena went after Rollins. Cena kicked Rollins and that led to Rollins leaving the ring. Cena was calling Rollins a "fool" for costing him the match. When Cena turned back around, Lesnar hit the F5 on Cena.
It was announced at this point that Cena won the match by disqualification, but Lesnar is still the WWE Champion. JBL was saying Lesnar wasn't human because he was still standing tall. Cole pointed out that Rollins cost Cena the win. The final point that needs to be made is that the bell never rang for the Money in the Bank cash in, so Rollins will be able to use the briefcase in the future.
The show ended with Lesnar and Heyman looking on by the entrance while the referee held up Cena's hand as the winner of the match.
You know what, major props.  Major, MAJOR props.  I spent most of this ripping the company to shreds but they hit all the right notes in this main event.  So now time for them to fuck it up over the next few months.
Analysis: It was WWE's way of doing a screwy finish without giving anything away. By doing that, they've set up a third Lesnar/Cena match at Hell in a Cell that will be contested inside the Hell in a Cell structure. It's not official yet, but it will be.
Oh, ok.  If that’s anything less of a beatdown in the end than Summerslam was, they failed.  And Cena better bleed and go through some part of the cell while we’re at it.
While the finish probably upset a lot of people that were watching it, that's just part of WWE trying to tell a storyline. They want to build to the next match. Cena's case for the rematch is that he never lost this match. He actually won it. As a result, they can have the HIAC match without anybody causing a DQ because the idea of the cell is to prevent interference. From a storyline perspective, it makes a lot of sense. If you like clean endings to PPVs you're upset by it. Me? I'm not that upset. I thought Lesnar would retain, but this kind of finish doesn't surprise me and it keeps the title on Lesnar, so that's good.
Five Stars of the Show
1. Randy Orton
2. Chris Jericho
No.  I don’t care if they put on a better match than Steamboat/Savage IT SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ON FUCKING NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS BECAUSE NEITHER ONE WAS A CHAMPION.

Final Thoughts
It gets a 7 out of 10 for being a consistently good wrestling show all night long. Some of the decisions might have been questionable, but if you watch for the wrestling then it has to be considered a success.
As mentioned, three matches stood out: Sheamus vs. Cesaro, Orton vs. Jericho and Lesnar vs. Cena. I gave two of them ***3/4 out of 5 and Orton/Jericho four stars. That means all of them were great, but none of them went to that next level where I'd consider them matches of the year. Still, when you can have three matches get around 15 minutes each and they're that good then it's enough to help carry the show. The tag title match was also the right choice for the opener.
The angle with Rollins/Ambrose was well done. Predictable? Sure. That doesn't make it bad. Plus, it was only predictable for those of us online that know Ambrose's movie schedule. For the fans in the arena they marked out huge for it because it was a surprise.
Since the show was named the Night of Champions it seemed like WWE made it a goal to do several title changes just to live up to the name. The tag title change was pretty obvious. Having the IC & Divas Title champs lose their titles five weeks after winning them was a curious decision. I didn't like seeing Ziggler lose the IC Title. I thought he'd have a long run with it. The Divas Title changes hands far too often.

I won’t give a score since I didn’t even watch the thing, I just read results and (mostly) made fun of them.  I WILL say that he’s right about the IC and Divas title switches being fucking stupid, the Rollins/Ambrose thing being awesome and Cena/Lesnar being good.  Orton/Jericho wasn’t good because, and not to belabor the point, it wasn’t for a fucking title.  Sheamus/Cesaro wasn’t good because the wrong guy won (again.)  And Goldust and Stardust shouldn’t be heels but at least they are deserving tag title champs and hopefully my ideas for their Royal Rumble title loss don’t fall on deaf ears.
Canton also notes that the September PPV has now had a screwy finish in the main event for four years running now.  Because when you’re booking a pay per view that is a letdown for everyone after THE BIGGEST PARTY OF THE SUMMER!!!!!!! you want to end that pay per view with some bullshit whenever possible.

Alright that’s it for me.  Hope you enjoyed the snark.  There will be more of it next month when WWE continues their annual cheapening of the concept of Hell in a Cell.  I can’t wait!

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